I’ve always thought I’d do okay in solitary confinement.1
That’s an easy thing to say, sitting here, eating a Tootsie Pop2 while refreshing Reddit to see if America discovered any new cliffs to jump off. I’ve never done time, hard or otherwise, unless you count sitting through Donnie Darko.3
I just enjoy my own company. My interior spaces are lavish and well-appointed, and forever beckon. This publication is mostly a looking glass into those private amusements. Narnia with a peephole. Though maybe Porky's is the better comp.
I’ve come to realize that solitary confinement is a desert island scenario with fewer amenities, and that the ultimate expression of both is the time loop.
As depicted in films like Groundhog Day, a time loop is when someone is trapped in a day-shaped vortex, from which there appears to be no escape. The day repeats endlessly, suffocating the protagonist with sheer mundane repetitiveness.
I'll be honest. I don’t hate the idea of getting trapped in a time loop.
There are definitely loops to avoid. I love Edge of Tomorrow, but even if you’re a fan of Emily Blunt combat yoga, that’s not a place you want to get stuck.4 Ditto Boss Level or Happy Death Day. If the loop exists specifically to kill you in lots of crazy ways, count me out. But if you could land in a mundane loop? One with decent Wi-Fi? Maybe pre-2016? I mean… twist my arm. I could use a lot more regular tedium, and far less fresh hell served daily.
Against such an eventuality, I have closely studied time loop films for textual clues. I’m like Bear Grylls but without any discernible survival skills.
After extensive study, I’ve determined there are 4 distinct phases of time loop acceptance. Know the signs. The life you save just might be your own.
